Boyfriend 2 Years Says He Never Wants to Get Married Again
My divorced boyfriend doesn't want to become married over again
(117 Posts)
Apologies if this is long, just I'm hoping for advice/words of wisdom...
My boyfriend and I have been dating for iii years. On our offset engagement we talked almost a million things, but at one point the topic of marriage came up and we both said "I have no desire to get married once again". We were both previously married to others (me for xiv years, him for ten) and both have children from those marriages. To be honest, I was 21 the first time and more in dearest with the idea of a wedding than the actual marriage, and really as well immature to appreciate the finality of what I was doing. My boyfriend was besides quite young and has told me that he never really wanted to get married the showtime time but his ex pressured him past proposing and maxim either nosotros go married or we suspension upward. Of course the marriages didn't piece of work out (for different reasons) and when we met in 2013 I had been separated for 3 years (divorce at present finalized), and he had been separated for 2 years (they are still technically married).
Fast forward to now and we take purchased a domicile and moved in together with all of our children. Because his ex proposed and fabricated him experience pressured, I have always been very careful not to pressure him for commitment in whatever way. I was ready to move in together subsequently a year, but waited until he suggested it so that I knew HE was ready and not just doing it to make me happy.
He has stated a number of times over the last 3 years that "marriage is but a piece of newspaper" and that "couples tin can spend years together happy only one time they get married it all falls apart". I have always believed in marriage, but when nosotros had our first date I was being completely honest when I said I had no want to get married once more. Three years agone I didn't think anyone was worth the risk, but and then I met HIM. This relationship is everything my first union wasn't. He's the perfect guy for me and we've talked openly about growing old together. Merely in all honesty I experience dizzy at my age (mid-40's) referring to him as my Swain. Plus (and this may seem materialistic) without a wedding band information technology'due south non obvious to the world-at-large that I am "taken". All of a sudden I want to marry him more than anything. Where the first time I merely cared virtually the hymeneals, now all I intendance about is being his wife. My children share a terminal proper noun with their begetter, and my beau shares a name with his children, but I am the only person in our little family with my last name.
My question is.. how practise I get what I want without making him feel similar I'm pressuring him or god forestall, proposing to him myself? One time when the topic came up (we have mutual friends discussing wedlock) and my boyfriend said "I don't understand why women care about this slice of newspaper and then much! If you want to get married, we'll get married! if you lot want to be Mrs. XXX, then fine, we'll get married, I don't care that much". Only I want to go married because HE wants it, not because he'south he thinks he "has to" to brand me happy. If we got married under those circumstances I remember he will one day regret it and feel similar I pushed him into it. We have a fabulous relationship all around and I was never happy with my ex-husband like this.
Should I simply be happy with what I have and endeavor to let it go? 
I remember you should reflect on what a lovely life you have and stop focussing on something that doesn't really thing
Yes. Allow it go. He's made his feelings articulate.
I share his viewpoint.
Why is marriage going to make you happy though?
Might be slightly random but if little things bother you like name and ring what about changing them without the actual spousal relationship? I appreciate you may desire the legal marriage. But if you lot are both committed and both agree you could change your name and vesture a ring? You could brand it a different band to wedding 1 (and realistically a nicer ane!).
Sorry know that's a bit off what y'all were asking but just thought it was worth suggesting 
You could telephone call him your partner, and wearable a apparently band on your wedding ring finger...
Mayhap just say that actually with him, you could imagine getting married later all, only would only do it if he really wanted information technology too, non as an obligation. Then have what he says.
I hope you've got all the house ownership sorted, wills, finances etc.Those are the real downsides of non existence married
Yes I hope you lot have a plan with finances too no thing how much you honey someone protect yourself and your children.
It sounds to me similar you want your 'happy ever later' but yet you already have it?
Surely information technology tin can only be what yous want if he wants information technology too?
The 'how can I get what I want' question sounds to me like it comes from a mayhap less-than-salubrious identify. Like you feel inadequate for not having the proper name/ring etc. Why is that exercise you recollect?
Yes to you lot very last question. Sounds like you have a great matter going.
He doesn't want get married. Permit it get and enjoy what you have.
You lot want him to want something he's said he doesn't want. That's not going to brand either of you lot happy.
What are your respective work and financial circumstances? IMO people who are anti marriage are oftentimes protecting their money.
I completely understand why you'd want to get married. I would also. I think you lot can simply explicate fully, but once, how you feel about it all so go out information technology to him. It sounds like he has been clear and consequent but your feelings matter and you should let him know how you lot feel.
Other than that I don't recollect there is anything else y'all tin can do. The problem in these situations is that information technology'southward not then much the wanting to get married, but wanting the other person to want to marry you lot. And in that location'south not a lot y'all can do almost that.
As someone else has suggested: have yous got the papers re dwelling house ownership, finances, life insurance, wills etc sorted?
Marriage isn't but a piece of paper. It's a legal contract, and at that place are a number of differences between that and cohabitation.
If he's prepared to ally considering information technology matters to you, that sounds OK to me.
I'm going to go against the menstruum abit here! You lot say be is withal technically married, is he not divorced yet? I wouldn't be happy with that at all! I recollect that'due south your first issue! Have they got a legal separation?
And no style would I exist changing my name & wearing a wedding band if I wasn't married! Especially if he was all the same married to someone else!
Permit him become divorced first! Why is he stalling?
You say the first time, you cared about the wedding.
And that this time you care near being his married woman.
Notwithstanding the two things you lot're highlighting are sharing his name and accept a sparkly ring to show you lot're married... Which, sorry, sounds about as shallow equally marrying for a nuptials.
In that location are lots of good reasons to get married - a band and a name aren't amidst them.
You need to work out what you really desire.
And he needs to sort out that he is notwithstanding married. Not "technically married" only married.
I am divorced and remarrying because (among other things) if I end up in a flipping coma, I desire the man that I love to make decisions about me - non some disliked "ex" hubby that I was still "technically" (= actually) married to!!
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
I agree with the PP who mentioned buying a house with a husband was very risky because she could have a claim on his share of the home.
Also, as he's married she'southward his next of kin in the event of his death. You have no rights to his kids who are currently sharing their life with your kids just one day, poof gone.
There are far more things to consider here than his wedlock to you lot, the most important being he is still married and you're "technically" (if y'all're into technicalities), "the other woman".
It seems he'due south gone from having "no want to go married once more" to "If you want to get married, we'll get married! if you lot desire to be Mrs. Thirty, then fine, we'll get married, I don't care that much", but these are words with no meaning whatsoever as he is married to another adult female and is in no position to marry anyone else.
I share the business organisation of earlier posters in hoping your financial position, and by default that of your dc, is bombproof equally you lot've bought a business firm with a man who is notwithstanding to divorce with all of the budgetary ramifications that may entail.
I also hope that your partner is in proficient health as, in the outcome of his death, your cheating human relationship will count for nothing equally far as the law is concerned. You won't be able to claim those state benefits that are paid to widows, and you won't be able to organise his funeral or attend information technology without the consent of his wife/legal next of kin.
In the grand scheme of things, information technology could be that getting another band on your finger should be way down on your 'to do' list.
If you don't have wills, paperwork etc sorted then if he died tomorrow his ex would get his unabridged manor. When he divorces, his children go his estate. You get nada in either scenario. And you'll have absolutely no say on what happens to him if he ends upwardly in infirmary in a coma, like a pp said.
One leg in is the same as i leg out. If he won't marry you, he's got ane leg out. Not that peachy to be with someone who is kind of indifferent, is it.
Join the discussion
To comment on this thread yous need to create a Mumsnet account.
Bring together Mumsnet
Already have a Mumsnet business relationship? Log in
eubanksexpristirts.blogspot.com
Source: https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2636609-My-divorced-boyfriend-doesnt-want-to-get-married-again
0 Response to "Boyfriend 2 Years Says He Never Wants to Get Married Again"
Post a Comment